I fight for a cure for me & our amazing children❤️

Thursday, July 23, 2020

July Update - Lockdown continues 😷

Happy Thursday everyone. I hope you’re having a good day. My last post was almost a month ago and I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions and confusion so I thought writing about it would be helpful. 

I am a people person - I need to be around people and to connect and hang out with people. When this shutdown started back in March I thought I could handle it! I posted daily on social media, shared my day and took photos on my walks to inspire people to do the same thing. Beautiful photos on Facebook are better than sad/ depressing stories and I wanted to bring joy and encourage others to do the same.  

That lasted for a month or so. Then I decided it was stupid and hardly anyone was responding or ‘liking’ my posts so I stopped. If my thoughts and inspirations weren’t helping others then there was no reason to share them. 

I continued to keep busy - very busy on some days. I read books, I knitted several items and blankets. I worked on a puzzle, walked the Iron Horse Trail. I did yoga, meditated, prayed every single day. I did my best to reach out to friends and family and to plan some Zoom / FaceTime calls. 

My journaling in the morning went from a 30 minute experience to sometimes several hours. My brain was so full of thoughts and feelings and sadness and frustration. And honestly a little boredom. Thankfully when I was done with all that and got my thoughts on paper I was able to start my day. 

As time went on I heard less and less from my friends and family. Other than Kristen who continues to call me and FaceTime with me almost every single day. She’s working full time from home and she still finds a way to make time for meπŸ’œ I have a few other friends who make it a point to reach out to me too, but nothing like it was before COVID-19.

I mentioned this to one of my wise Intel buddies (CJ) and they asked me to consider making a list and scheduling calls with friends every week. I haven’t done that but I have made a list and I did share my sadness with one of my friends recently. I actually starting crying when I talked about how hard being alone was for me. How hard it is to not be able to touch and hug and connect weekly with people like I’ve been doing since my diagnosis in 2016. 

So that’s what’s happening with me. I have a feeling many of you need more connection too. I love that Bob is home all the time and that I’m able to drive and get out and about. Rusty is always by my side and that’s comforting too. I always find ways to keep busy and texting is helpful too. What I really need is face to face connection and I know that won't be happening anytime soon. 

If anyone else feels like they need more connection and / or phone calls or Zoom, let me know! I’m hoping August will bring more virtual socialization into my life. I'm not depressed so please don't worry about me. I'm just running out of things to do each day to keep me busy. I've listened too several books (13 to be exact) and enjoy Audible but it's time for some new ideas!
My puzzle

PLEASE send me some suggestions of how you are coping!

In the mean time I will keep smiling and writing, knitting, reading, working on puzzles, walking, exercising and challenging my brain often. 

Stay safe my friends. I really appreciate your continued love and support! These past four years since my diagnosis have brought me so much joy and gratitude for all of you. I couldn't/wouldn't be doing as well as I am without each and every one of youπŸ™πŸ½πŸ’œπŸ™πŸ½