It's Sunday morning. Another beautiful day here in Northern California. I woke up feeling good and filled with gratitude for all the blessings I have in my life. That's not how I feel every morning. Some days I can barely get out of bed. Some days even when I try to sleep in I don't feel that great. But that's not how I feel today and I couldn't be happier about that!
I always start my day with an almond milk latte that I make on my Nespresso machine. I mention the name of our espresso machine because it's so compact and inexpensive--if you want one I would take a look at what they have to offer. It saves me a lot of money on coffee😎 Starbucks and Peet's can really add up. But even with the amazing coffee, I still struggle getting out of bed. When that happens Rusty & Monty are with me....sleeping and keeping me warm. And instead of pushing myself, I just let it happen. I stay in bed, I write in my journal and jot down my feelings. I read from a small book "Quiet Moments for Busy Days, Encouraging Thoughts for Women". I make note of what time I went to bed and how I slept. My hope is that I will find a trend of some sorts that will help me determine how to minimize feeling bad. But most of all I just listen to my body and do what feels best.
But today is not one of those days!!! I'm feeling all 'filled up' with love and gratitude and looking forward to what the day will bring me. Yesterday Ryan & Michael were here with Danielle and Lisa. There are no words for how much joy those two boys bring me. We sat outside and I read a Dr Seuss book to them that was Danielle's. It was one of the first books she read on her own. I love being able to pass down information to them about their mommy. My mom's mom died when she was only 13 so I never got to hear stories of what she was like growing up. I think passing down history to our kids and grandkids is so important! And now that I know my time here is somewhat limited, I think it's important to make the most of every minute.
We also talked about my oldest brother Kevin. Ryan wanted to know about him and Michael wanted to see a picture a of him. My brother died when I was young. I think I was 17 and he was 27 or 28. It was very traumatic and I won't go into the details. Dying so young and losing him was painful, especially because it was an accident and he died while swimming in the hot springs-due to some natural chemical or gas that caused him to blackout and he drowned. Because of the boys and their questions I was able to show them pictures of their uncle, as a young boy, and as the dolphin trainer at Marine World. They were fascinated and sad but I think talking and sharing feelings is very important.
We have all of the plastic flowers that we walked with at the Alzheimer's walks in our garden. They are blue and yellow and they turn and spin around when the wind blows. Yesterday Ryan asked me about them. He wanted to know why we put them there. Without any hesitation I told him they were from an event we went to. And that they were pretty and we liked looking at them. And that's it.....nothing more was said. He and his brother are too young to understand and comprehend what's going on with me. And Ryan is very smart and sensitive and I KNOW that he would be worried and scared. There is no need for that. Especially not now. I plan on living for a long time and when the time is right we will tell them what's going on.
Today is a new day and I know it will be filled with more adventures and learnings. I enjoy every day, regardless of how I feel and I hope you do the same 💜